[Open House pilot]

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0:00 Intro titles: “From high atop Rockefeller Center in New York City, It’s the Open House Show.” With Betsy Parry, Nancy Foreman, Dear Delores, Bob Purlough, Robert McCrabb and the house band. Your hosts: Steve Ducey and Mary Beth Skerritt.

1:00 Steve and Mary Beth introduce the first show. Mary Beth introduces hors d’oeuvres to the crowd. Steve jokes that they were sent over by Terminex. Steve explains the difference between a canope and an hors d’oeuvres. The audience says they don’t like that sort of food.

2:55 Steve introduces children to try the food. The kids say the food looks disgusting. Steve interviews kids about their favorite foods. Steve tries to pay a kid to eat the food. The child looks disgusted after eating caviar. The boy looks like he is going to throw up.

6:37 Mary introduces shelves of “kids favorite foods”: cereal, ice cream, etc. They plan on making the kids’ favorite foods.

7:20 The kids go through the foods while Mary brings the hors d’oeuvres to Betsy.

8:05 Mary talks to Betsy Parry, the gossip woman from the show. Betsy talks about Ivana Trump, Morgan Fairchild, Latoya Jackson…after the commercial.

8:45 Commercial lead-out.

9:06 Return from commercial break. Steve leaves kids to visit Betsy and Mary. Betsy says that Ivana, Morgan, Latoya, Guita Stallone and others recently got plastic surgery.

13:30 Two geeky neighbors stop by with strange foot and oven mittens for the neighbors, as well as motor oil. (Tracking problems during this segment ). The geeky male neighbor fixes his hair in the camera. Steve hustles the neighbors out after the find out there’s a TV show going on.

15:24 Return from commercial. Steve introduces Dear Delores, who gives advice. Delores takes a letter from someone who complains about the food at a friend’s party. Delores angrily recommends staying home.

17:27 Delores takes a second letter from a woman who crocheted a wedding gift for a sister-in-law, but never received a thanks. She later found out that her mother-in-law gave the gift from herself. Delores says “Get a job. After 38 years, why are you still talking about this tablecloth?” Delores recommends letting it go.

18:55 Delores takes a final letter from a woman who has been dating a man who is slow to break up with his ex-girlfriend. (Brief loss of picture here). Delores says “a bell should be going off in your head…your jerk alert is broke.” “If you don’t want the truth…don’t write!”

20:50 Lead-out to commercial.

21:10 Return from commercial. Kids work on food in kitchen while Steve and Mary watch. Mary and Steve talk about Steve’s son Peter, and Steve introduces some home videos.

22:30 Steve narrates the story of his son’s birth in a funny segment. The hospital, the child comes back from the hospital and cries a lot. Steve swims with Peter, feeds the child baby food, and Peter plays with a talking big bird toy, etc.

25:05 Steve and Mary talk about another child on the way. Lead-out to commercial.

26:08 Return from commercial. Mary introduces fashion expert Nancy Foreman, and asks about how trends start. Nancy explains the source of these trends. Nancy calls it “courtroom fashion…celebrities who start new conservative fashions on the way to the courtroom: Joan Collins, Raquel Welch, Leona Helmsley. She says another fashion trend is coming from male celebrities who are going to jail, all wearing jogging suits: Gene Gotti, Reverend Al Sharpton, Angelo Rigero, Gov. Edwin Edwards of Louisiana.

31:30 Lead-out to commercial.

31:42 Return from commercial. Mary introduces Bob Purlough, in charge of the segment “Let Bob Do It”. Bob says he’ll do things that other people don’t want to do: take the kids to the dentist, ask for a raise. He says he draws the line at death-row inmates. Bob introduces an invitation to a wedding that a letter-writer couldn’t attend. Bob attended instead.

33:55 Tapes of Bob at a couple’s wedding. People seem happy to see him when he explains, “I’m here for Bob.” Nobody at the wedding seems to know who he is. When asked what side of the family he’s on he says, “I’m not extended family.. I’m a stranger.” Bob takes a wedding photo with the family, and even gives a toast.

36:45 Bob and Mary talk about Bob’s experience at the wedding. Bob tells people to write in to give him things to do.

37:39 Lead-out to commercial.

37:48 Steve and Mary work with the kids on snacks in the kitchen. First child, Bradley has made green Jello, Wonder bread with whipped cream, a potato chip, and sprinkles on marshmallows. Nicole, another girl, shows some sprinkles on ice cream, marshmallows, Twinkies, and cheese doodles. Katie has made “the cereal special”: cookies, fruit loops, ice cream, marshmallows, and sprinkles, and a Twinkie. The last girl has made cereal with whip cream, a marshmallow, and green Jello. Steve and Mary bring a “taste panel” of dogs to try the snacks. The show consultants join in. Steve and Mary plug tomorrow’s show.

41:15 Steve says, “Stick a fork in us, we’re done!” End credits over dogs eating junk food.

42:04 Open House Show address and more end credits.

42:35 END



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