We’ll Be Right Back

A "Nick at Nite" broadcast from August 20, 1989, of a show featuring classic television commercials from the 1950's, 1960's; and 1970's. Included are commercials for Screaming Yellow Zonkers, Roy Rogers Quicker Shooter Hat, Mystery Date Board Game, Brylcreem, Mr. Clean, Hai Karate, and Charmin.

0:00Copy video clip URL The tape begins in the middle of a commercial bump for Nick at Nite and the upcoming program, We’ll Be Right Back.

0:17Copy video clip URL Commercial break — Butterball Turkey: A knife slices into a cooked turkey, and as the slices peel back they reveal packages of Butterball brand turkey products. “Any way you slice it, it’s delicious.”

0:32Copy video clip URL Good Morning America: Charlie Gibson and Joan Lunden talk about how friendly and comfortable the show is.

0:48Copy video clip URL Sunkist Classic Commercial: Similar in animation style to Fred Wolf’s famous “How Many Licks” Tootsie Roll commercials. A little boy in a cowboy hat found an orange. His friend explains it’s not “a real-life fresh natural good-to-eat orange” because it doesn’t say “Sunkist” on it. “If it doesn’t say Sunkist on it, you don’t know what’s inside.” The “orange” hatches into a large purple monster.

1:19Copy video clip URL Nick at Nite bump using stop-motion pixilation techniques.

1:30Copy video clip URL “We’ll Be Right Back” intro/theme song. The “World’s Fastest Talker” (played by John Moschitta) introduces the program, which largely involves rapidly rattling off a long list of well-known slogans.

3:22Copy video clip URL First segment, “Wacky World of Products” — Screaming Yellow Zonkers: Teens at school sang about the cereal.

4:04Copy video clip URL Creamed Leftovers: A sauce to poor over leftovers to make them “appetizing, economical, [and] nutritious.”

4:19Copy video clip URL Pie Face: A board game for children that involves a “Pie Thrower” contraption that hits you in the face with a whipped cream pie.

4:44Copy video clip URL Super Helmet Seven: “The most amazing speed helmet ever made.”

5:00Copy video clip URL Golden Fluffo, featuring Mike Wallace: Wallace praises Proctor & Gamble’s vegetable shortening, and interviews Indiana Fare Baking Champion Thelma Styra about how it makes a superior pie.

5:40Copy video clip URL RCA Victor personal radios: Buy a personal radio for everyone in the family so they don’t fight over which radio show to listen to.

6:36Copy video clip URL Frigidaire Refrigerator with designer doors.

6:50Copy video clip URL Roy Rogers Quick Shooter Hat: A toy hat that has a concealed mini cap gun inside.

7:29Copy video clip URL Park & Shop Board Game: A game about parking your car, completing your shopping list, and then trying to be the first one to return home.

7:40Copy video clip URL Mystery Date Board Game: Girls open the door to reveal their mystery date. Will he be “a dream, or a dud?” The girls swoon over their dreamy mystery dates.

8:17Copy video clip URL Back to the “World’s Fastest Talker” in a now destroyed room with busted TV, broken phone cord, and ash all over his face. He sings “Screaming Yellow Zonkers” before passing out. Then bump to commercials.

8:33Copy video clip URL Commercial break starts with a promo for other Nick at Nite shows.

9:04Copy video clip URL Hoover Wet & Dry Dubl-Duty Hand Vac: The hand vac picks up a goldfish and the water when the goldfish bowl falls over.

9:19Copy video clip URL Velveeta: Melts smooth, unlike cheddar.

9:35Copy video clip URL Chips Ahoy! Selections: Cookies so good, the women in the ad cannot trust themselves not to eat the entire package, so they pawn it off on their neighbors.

10:06Copy video clip URL Puf-Puf Daily Cleanser: Women talk about how the facial cleansers micro-beads with conditioner make it special.

10:35Copy video clip URL Another Sunkist Classic Commercial: Little Red Riding Hood is taking Sunkist oranges to her grandma, and is stopped by the purple monster from the first commercial (voiced by Paul Frees). The monster scares Red Riding Hood off so it can eat all the Sunkist oranges.

11:06Copy video clip URL Return to the program. Another hosts, Madge (played by Jan Miner), gives a manicure to King Kong. She introduces the theme of the next segment, “Thirty Second Musicals.”

12:28Copy video clip URL Chef Boy-Ar-Dee Beefaroni: School children sing while running along city streets to a huge table in a courtyard, where they eat Beefaroni.

12:54Copy video clip URL Brylcreem: Stop-motion animation of a boy using Brylcreem to slick down his hair, which attracts the attention of a girl. “Watch out, the gals will all pursue ya! They’ll love to get their fingers in your hair!”

13:08Copy video clip URL Ultrabrite Toothpaste: “A taste you can really see.”

13:18Copy video clip URL Pepsodent: Animated commercial of boys enamored with a girl’s pearly white teeth. “You’ll wonder where the yellow went when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent!”

13:36Copy video clip URL Noxzema Medicated Shave: The ad likens a man shaving his face to a burlesque strip show. “Take it off. Take it all off.”

14:14Copy video clip URL General Mills’s Country Corn Flakes: References Grant Wood’s “American Gothic” plus animation of corn, pigs, and a farmer with a shotgun.

14:45Copy video clip URL SOS dishwashing pads: A man and woman in Wagnerian Viking garb sing about the scrub pads.

15:02Copy video clip URL Mr. Clean: Song and animation about how Mr. Clean can clean everything in your house.

15:23Copy video clip URL Pallantine Ale: A woman sings about how her type of a guy drinks Pallantine, which is a “manlier brew” with “manly appeal.” “My kind of guy drinks it, and maybe you’re my kind of guy…”

16:03Copy video clip URL A man sits at a table somehow suspended on the surface of the ocean. He watches somewhat nonplussed as a shark brushes against his leg, then attacks the table, throwing the man into the water. He sits on the wreckage of the table when a woman emerges from the ocean with a tray of Colt 45. “A completely unique experience.”

16:31Copy video clip URL Carling Black Label Beer: A song where men whistle for their waitress and order, “Mabel! Black Label.” She smiles and winks at the camera.

17:01Copy video clip URL Return to Madge, who has finished Kong’s manicure and painted his nails in the color “jungle red.” Then they bump to commercials, starting with promos for Mr. Ed and Patty Duke reruns.

18:06Copy video clip URL The Hoover Concept One Cleaner: A man and woman disagree over who should do the vacuuming, “but Hoover thinks the vacuum should do the vacuuming.” The vacuum is self-propelled.

18:20Copy video clip URL Kraft Mayonnaise: A waitress talks about selling a customer on Kraft mayo because it’s cholesterol-free.

18:36Copy video clip URL A commercial for The Adventures of Milo & Otis.

19:06Copy video clip URL Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In promo: A man tries to remember the funny catchphrase, but there are just so many of them.

19:36Copy video clip URL Promo for The Best of Saturday Night Live.

19:46Copy video clip URL Back to the program. Another host named Mr. Whipple (played by Dick Wilson) is at Memory Mart, a supermarket of products you remember from the past. He talks about commercials so strange and unrelated to the product that afterwards, you can’t even remember what the commercial was for.

20:55Copy video clip URL Final segment, “Really Strange Commercials” — Underwater, a woman prepares for a date, her pet dog is a turtle, the car is a submarine, they dine next to a coral reef. “More and more smart women wear Timex.”

21:53Copy video clip URL A mad scientist a la Dr. Frankenstein shows a couple his laboratory. They inquire about what’s under the sheet. He reveals Wilt Chamberlain Basketball by Coleco, a board game that looks somewhat similar to fussball and other table sports games. The scientist drinks a potion and turns into Wilt Chamberlain.

22:36Copy video clip URL A surreal animation of heads on a football field. They’re shaved by PhiliShave electric shaver. Normal razors leave your face feeling like it’s tangled in barbed wire, on fire, or be stabbed by swords, but PhiliShave leaves you feeling like it’s in a block of ice.

23:13Copy video clip URL Hai Karate aftershave: A woman smells a man’s aftershave when they kiss, and is so obsessed that he has to fight to fend her off, which is why Hai Karate “has to put instructions on self-defense in every package.”

23:38Copy video clip URL Around the breakfast table, the family runs out of Kellogg’s Rice Krispies. The father (played by Johnny Haymer) sings a spoof on the opera classic “Vesti la giubba” with different lyrics about his heartbreak over the lack of Rice Krispies.

24:36Copy video clip URL A baby fawn says there’s nothing like the open-fire flavor of Armour Star Franks, which has that picnic fire taste even when heated in plain water, because the flavor is in the meat itself.

25:02Copy video clip URL Tarzan drinks Blennd Orange-Lemon Flavored Drink.

25:24Copy video clip URL The Laura Scudder’s Noise Abatement League Pledge: A little boy pledges not to do a number of different childish activities that would make a lot of noise, like dribbling a basketball down the stairs, kicking tin cans, slurping soup, etc. in order to compensate for the noise he makes when eating Laura Scudder’s potato chips, “the noisiest chips in the world.”

26:11Copy video clip URL A woman shows off her “high fasion” outfit to her friend Harold in the supermarket, who tells her it looks foolish and she should return it. Two men ride in on a conveyor belt and sing a song encouraging Harold to “try to use a little tenderness… Charmin bathroom tissue gives you tenderness. A little tender touch wouldn’t hurt.”

27:11Copy video clip URL Back to Mr. Whipple in the now darkened Memory Mart. He says, “Good night, Mrs. Olson, wherever you are,” in reference to Jimmy Durante’s famous catchphrase. End credits.

28:38Copy video clip URL Promo for Nick at Nite, “for Good TV the American Way.”

29:18Copy video clip URL Another Sunkist Classic Commercial. This one seems to be in a slightly different animation style, possibly reminiscent of Schoolhouse Rock. The purple monster tries to trick some kids into trading their Sunkist oranges for an orange balloon, but they see through his ruse.

29:49Copy video clip URL Jim McKay of General Motors. Tape cuts off as he begins to speak.

29:55Copy video clip URL End of tape.